Television Without Pity recently published an item on the “worst of the best”, choosing the worst episodes of great shows including Veronica Mars, House m.d., The Sopranos, and The West Wing. Even the most consistently good shows have their missteps, those episodes that fail to live up to expectations or, Tv gods forbid, ones so bad you wonder how the episodes ever made it past the writers room. We console ourselves with those truly great hours of television that we can watch over and over again, including such classics as How I Met Your Mother’s “Slap Bet”, or Doctor Who‘s “Blink”, but what about those entirely forgettable, or worse, memorable for all the wrong reasons, episodes?
Television Without Pity’s comprehensive list covers many of the obvious television missteps, from the “Jack’s tats” episode of Lost (titled “Strangers in a Strange Land”) with guest star Bai Ling, to the preachy Veronica Mars episode “Un-American Graffiti” with its messages about bigotry and underage drinking. I don’t actually think any Dexter episode has been bad enough to land on one of these lists, but I can see the reasoning behind sticking second season finale “The British Invasion” there, and I was glad to know that I wasn’t the only one disappointed by the Doctor Who Easter special “Planet of the Dead”. I do, however, have a few additions to their list. Here are some of my picks for worst of the best:
Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Episodes: “The Zeppo” and “Beer Bad”
TWoP included Buffy in its list, but chose the poltergeist-inspired sex episode “Where the Wild Things Are” instead. It’s certainly a worthy choice, as I really can’t remember anything happening in this episode beyond crawling vines, Buffy and Riley having a lot of sex, and a girl hacking off her hair in a closet, but here are a few other possibilities.
“The Zeppo” is, in my opinion, the black mark on my favourite season of the show. I have some bias here as this is a Xander-centric episode and I’ve never been a fan of the character, but I found the third-season episode, which sees Xander getting a car and spending a harrowing night away from the scoobies, very dull. This is one of those episodes I rarely re-watch and could wipe from my DVD set without a second thought.
However, the Buffy episode that is truly the worst of the best is the universally loathed “Beer Bad”. I’d love to know how this was pitched in the writers room and the response it received. Did it really seem like a good idea on paper? The episode features Buffy, still hurting from Parker’s rejection after they slept together, getting drunk with four college boys and waking up the next morning to more than a hangover. The beer turns them all into Neanderthals and the boys begin a fire that Buffy saves Parker from. In the episode’s only good moment, Neanderthal Buffy beats him with a club when he apologizes for his actions.
Episode: The Kate-centric episodes (including “Eggtown” and “Whatever the Case May Be”)
Since the beginning I’ve had a few issues with Lost. Plotlines and monsters were introduced only to be forgotten about or never explained and more new characters than should ever be on a supposedly deserted island kept coming out of the woodwork. The main problem though was consistency and much of this depended on the character who was featured in the episode. So I came to dread the Kate episodes, preparing for what was bound to be a dreary hour. As an ex-convict, Kate should really be more interesting than she is. Instead I find her to be the dullest character on the island, and her episodes about retrieving toy planes, miraculously not being convicted of murder, and being unable to choose between Sawyer and Jack do nothing for me.
Show: How I Met Your Mother
Episode: “The Best Burger in New York”
Many shows rely on, or become famous for, their stunt-casting. Some of them genuinely aren’t that funny without that “special guest star”, but How I Met Your Mother is a genuinely funny sitcom with great characters and some wonderful writing. It really doesn’t need cameos by Britney Spears, Enrique Iglesias and, in this episode, Regis Philbin, to be hilarious. The episode revolves around the quest to find a burger place Marshall ate in eight years earlier that served “the best burger in New York” but it just doesn’t have the same sparkle or the heart of other episodes. The repeating joke of Robin’s burger being the last to arrive isn’t all that amusing, and descriptions of just how good the various burgers taste are only funny for so long. That said, this is my no means a terrible half hour of television, it just doesn’t live up to the comedy and heart of other episodes.
Lily: This burger is so good, its like Christmas in my mouth. Meat Christmas.
Ted: Its like an angel from heaven landed in the kitchen of McClaren’s… where the chef killed it and ran it through the meat grinder.
Barney: I love this burger so much I want to sew my ass shut.
Let’s face it, Torchwood didn’t exactly start out as high art. During the first season the show was campy, tried a little too hard to convince us that it was the darker adult cousin of Doctor Who, and went out of its way to show the fluidity of human sexuality. It also routinely borrowed and twisted plots from Angel, including having the female lead wake up nine months pregnant by a demon/alien and using an alien/demon who stays alive through sexual intercourse that destroys their partner.
Still, the first season had some good episodes, it’s just that “Cyberwoman” was not one of them. The first episode focused on mysterious tea boy Ianto Jones revealed that he had been keeping his girlfriend Lisa, partially converted during the Cyberman Invasion (which occurred during the Doctor Who episodes “Army of Ghosts” and “Doomsday”), in the Torchwood Hub basement in hopes of curing her. Her Cyberman programming soon takes over though and Captain Jack tries to feed her to the resident pterodactyl. Really the fact that Jack sprays Lisa with special barbeque sauce to help the pterodactyl identify its prey speaks for itself.
Show: Star Trek Voyager
Not even the writers defend this episode of Star Trek Voyager, which co-executive producer Brannon Braga called a “royal, steaming stinker”. It has even been unofficially erased from canon by fans and the production staff.
In “Threshold”, Tom Paris takes on a mission to break the Warp 10 barrier in a shuttlecraft. However he begins experiencing symptoms upon his return and rapidly mutates into a new form of life. Paris escapes his planned treatment, kidnaps Captain Janeway, and steals the shuttlecraft. Here’s where we get to the bad part because the cast of Voyager track the shuttle only to find two amphibious creatures and their three offspring(!) Luckily there is enough human DNA remaining for the ships’ Doctor to reverse the mutation and restore them to normal. Lizard mating? This is another one that speaks for itself.
Show: Dead Like Me
Episode: Dead Like Me: Life After Death movie
I absolutely love Dead Like Me and it is certainly at the top of my “gone but not forgotten” list of shows cancelled before their time. The show, which followed the unlife of Georgia Lass after she is hit by a flying toilet seat and becomes a grim reaper, was full of colour, thoughtful, and found the humour in death to great success. Its cancellation after just two seasons, and for no apparent reason, was disappointing but fans found hope in the news that there would be a direct-to-DVD movie.
I’m glad I read the reviews about the film before watching it or I would have been sorely disappointed. It isn’t that the movie is bad, so much as it just isn’t the Dead Like Me we knew and loved. The role of Daisy Adair was recast, as Laura Harris was committed to another project, and replacement Sarah Wynter always felt “off” to me. At that time Mandy Patinkin was starring in Criminal Minds and his lead reaper Rube Sofer was replaced with a new character, played by Lost star Henry Ian Cusick. I enjoyed the subplot with George’s sister Reggie, which answered the question left open in the show’s series finale about whether or not Reggie had recognized her sister in the graveyard, but the movie just didn’t have the same feel as the series. The real pity is that Harris’ show Woman’s Murder Club was cancelled that year and Patinkin famously departed Criminal Minds. If the movie had been delayed, the whole cast could have reunited.
And one for the road…
Although I’ve seen most of Star Trek: The Next Generation, DS9, and Voyager, I haven’t seen more than one episode of the original series and don’t have a strong desire to do so. I haven’t included episodes generally regarded to be poor unless I have seen them myself but this is my one exception to the rule. “Spock’s Brain” seems to have the same universal loathing in fans of the original series that “Beer Bad” inspires in Buffy fans. The synopsis seems to be that aliens steal Spock’s brain and that the episode is, according to this site, “the most sexist hour of television that I’ve ever seen.”
But wait – there’s more! It’s featured on a website called the agony booth under the “Worst of Trek” title, and a website featuring fan created Star Trek motivational posters has one just for the episode which says the following:
Look, not every episode can be “City on the Edge of Forever,” okay?
I’m sure my list will continue to grow as I discover new shows and as my favourites misstep but these are my “worst of the best” so far. I’d love to hear other ideas though, feel free to let me know some of your “worst of the best” television episodes!